Time Keeps on Slipping...

I’ve been in a funk lately where the time is going by so quickly I feel like the days are a blur, yet, I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything.  I go through the motions of the everyday, the endless checklists being checked away, mentally pushing things into the future for “when I have time”.  I know I want to live with purpose, I know I want to make each day count and I know how to do it…. I just haven’t had the energy. 

My goals- to live well, love well, eat well, and be well are slipping away day after day. 

I fritter away too much time playing Scrabble and Draw Something to be living well.  I “phone in” the bedtime tuck-ins too apathetically to be loving well.  I consume too many fries a week to be eating well, and I run a fever too many days to be well.  Most days it’s like I’m walking on one of those moving floors at Disney World that revolves in a circle.  I keep trying to get in my car, but I keep missing.  I know how to get in the car, but I just keep missing it. 

I know there must be other women who feel this way.  The constant demands, the whining, the laundry, the derailed plans, the forgotten permission slips,  it all piles on and feels suffocating.  So many days I plead with God, “Please, I need a pause button!!!”  Then, I get the pause button – an unexpected afternoon, a sick day with a kid, and then what?  What do I do?  How do I use it?  Am I using it wisely?  Don’t I deserve a break?  I don’t want to use it wisely.  Please tell me, I’m not the only one who talks to myself like this!

So, here I am, almost the end of another school year- so bittersweet.  My kids are ecstatic both at school and at home.  I look forward to traveling, sleeping in, and plenty of pool time.  But I am somewhat sad as well- another year gone, in the books,  the Hartigans have only one more trip through Kindergarten!  Time is flying.  I thought for sure we’d have moved by the end of this school year, and as it looks right now, I don’t think that’ll be happening.    All the good Christians tell me God is just preparing the most perfect place for us and that he has a plan.  I don’t doubt that at all.  I am just frustrated with waiting.  The floor keeps spinning and I can’t get in for the ride. 

For perspective, I turn to two important places…. The Bible and Pinterest.  It is here I find these two nuggets....

And for a side order of laughter –



Maybe my new goal should just be to be more intentional- more intentional about living in God's will, delighting myself in Him and His ways,  and sending things into school on time.  Surely it will not slow things down, but it could make for a better ride once I get on. 

"Was that Jesus??"

I am in awe of how surprised I am each and every time God comes through for me.  Whether it’s the big stuff or the little stuff- I am almost always caught off guard by my reaction and how humbled I feel.  As I wander through what feels like a long desert where I’ve pleaded with God repeatedly for the same thing, He finds these little ways to pop in and say, “see, I’ve still got your back”.  Which honestly, kind of ticks me off sometimes.  I want to yell back, “I KNOW you’re there!!! And anytime you want to answer the question I’ve been bugging you about, I’m ready!!”   Ah, timing.  God’s timing.  They say never to question it, that He knows what He’s doing.  Yet it’s such an incredibly hard lesson.

Today I was home sick with Jack.  He and I both had been fighting a cold and not knowing what the day would hold, I put in for a sub and had a day to spend with my boy.  We lounged around all morning, resting, but I could tell he was feeling better and getting itchy.  I told him I’d take him to lunch.  After we shared some chicken nuggets at Chik Fil A, I crossed the parking lot to the AT& T store to get my new phone.  I’ve been waiting for my new iphone for a while and I figured today might be a good day to get it.  It’s syncing up as I write!! J  So exciting!!  However, while there, the woman informed me that my license was expired- OOPS!  Patrick said I should get it done as soon as possible and since I was off, I should take care of it.

I got to the DMV and the woman told me there was a 2 hour wait.  I literally did not have 2 hours.  I have to work at school tonight and I knew that I couldn’t possibly wait that long.  I told her that I’d have to come back.  She responded with, “if you get pulled over they’ll haul y’all to jail.”  Wonderful.  I had a seat and started to freak out.  I called Patrick and in my hushed panicking voice told him I didn’t know what to do, I have a three year old with me, if I wait for an hour and a half and they haven’t called me, I’ll have to leave and the afternoon is wasted, plus, what if I get pulled over???  JAIL???   I was totally stressing out.  Two rows in front of me a man turned around and asked me what number I had.  I looked down at A077 as he handed me his A066.  In tears, I just smiled and thanked him.  In less than ten minutes I was turning to leave the DMV with my new license.  I told him that he couldn’t imagine how much it meant to me.  He just nodded. 

As we got in the car, I told Jack, “that man saved us”.  Jack replied, “Was he Jesus?” 

I smiled and said, “yes, today he was”. 

God’s timing is always perfect.  He’s everywhere.  Even at the DMV. 

Here I am...Send Me!

I will have to post about my birthday soon, but this is my birthday wish- for everyone to read this, and pray for me and this trip!!! :)

Dear Family and Friends,

Several years ago, Patrick and I felt called to adopt.  We went through the process of praying about it, thinking about it, talking about it and then decided to take a step.  We decided we would adopt domestically through DFCS.  We went to classes for months, we filled out gazillions of papers, had medical tests, had a home study, and got to a point where we were ready.  We had three kids already and people thought we were crazy, especially because we were considering an African American boy.  It was an incredibly emotional and exhausting time.  A few days before our social worker finished our file, I found out I was pregnant.  We called the social worker and told her to pull our paperwork, we were being blessed with another child.

Two years passed and we made the decision that if there were to be more Hartigan children, they would come a bit later, and they would be adopted.  We decided to take the first step by “adopting” in Africa through an amazing organization we knew about through Liberty Hill Church.  SERV International sponsors an orphanage in Kenya called House of Hope, we went on their site, saw James’ picture and we were sold.  We send our monthly payment to provide his shelter, food, education, medical care, and needs at the orphanage. We send packages when teams travel to Kenya.  We send letters and cards for his birthday and Christmas.  But this all seems so small knowing we’d love to bring him “home” to us. 

The Kenyan government makes it very difficult to adopt Kenyan children.  So our dream of bringing James home is just that, a dream.  We wish the rules would change, we wish there were another answer, but the answer we have now is “go to him”.   How?  When?  Teams from our church go to Kenya several times a year and I had always felt pulled, but how does a mom of four, wife, friend, daughter, sister, teacher find time and money to go to Africa?? And should she even go?  These were the questions that ran through my head for months.  But then doors just started opening.   Through a time of fasting and prayer, I asked God to let me know if I should go… and why?  Just to see James?  When he answered, he made it very clear.   A trip to Kenya was in the process of being planned.  It wouldn’t interfere with school, and it was a group of students that needed another female adult.  The students?  Kids from our youth group, most of whom I am privileged to have taught and watch grow into young adulthood.  All I could think was, “this is my trip.  This is what I do”.    A trip where I will not only get to meet James, get to visit villages, feed people, build houses, but to have the opportunity for me and some of these kids to act out our faith together.   When I came back to the questions, I felt God asking me, “What better example of being a servant can you give your children than by going where I send you?”   So I signed up. 

How am I going to do it?  That’s God’s part- I am just taking the step, the step of faith to commit to a trip of which I’m terrified.   I am asking you to pray for our team, for me, my husband, and my kids as we’ll be gone for nearly 10 days.  Pray for overseas flights, motion sickness and lots of shots!!  I am also asking you to help support me and my team of incredible students as we raise funds to pay for airfare, shelter, food, and the necessary expenses.  If you would consider supporting me financially, I would be humbled and honored.  I know God will place this letter in the right hands and the funds will be provided.  It is the only way we will find the money to take 9 college students to Africa, as the cost of the trip is nearly $4000 a person.  If you choose to donate, please use the enclosed slip and we will send you statement you can use for tax purposes. 

I know at the end of the day, I know this trip is about so much more than just meeting James.  I am getting the opportunity to “lead” a group of young adults where we will truly be the hands and feet of Christ as we honor God’s calling to go to “the ends of the earth”. 

With Love,

*Please mail donations to me at Ginny Hartigan, 104 Twilight Overlook, Canton GA 30114.  Please make checks out to “SERV Ministries”. 

“We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something”  Mother Teresa

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”     Isaiah 6:8

Valentine's Day!

Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays.  I know it’s all cheese and Hallmark, but I love the old fashioned idea of handing over that homemade valentine to the one you love.  It is innocent and lost among today’s generation of texters and twitterers. 

I love the colors, I love the flowers and the chocolates, I love the three foot teddy bears being bestowed on every pretty girl at school. It is a time when people go out of their way to make the day special.  I like that.   Valentine’s Day at our house is a big deal.  We make our own valentines, I decorate the kitchen with garlands, balloons, and trinkets, we usually have a cake or cupcakes, and we plan special “dates” with the kids. 

This Valentine’s Day was a bummer.  I worked all afternoon Sunday baking and crafting to get things ready for the big day and I woke up Monday morning with a stomach virus.  With Monday completely lost, I had to scramble that evening to get the stuff ready for school and decorate the kitchen. I collapsed half heartedly smiling at the 2 dozen roses my husband brought in to cheer me up.

Valentine’s Day itself was ok, I was weak and tired, and in no condition to consume chocolate.  The high school was loaded down with flowers, candy, treats, and stuffed animals.  I had a few funny notes left from students, but I was so ready to come home because I felt so awful.  We had a family dinner and then went through their valentines and ate cupcakes.

I cannot get over the amount of stuff my kids bring home, I am overwhelmed with pencils, erasers, mini slinkys, candy, and cards, and it seems the junk multiplies and the cards get smaller and crappier every year.  Patrick makes fun of me for being an “overachieving mom” and making our valentines, but I feel like it’s part of the experience, call me crazy. 

This year we made lollypop flowers for Claire’s class, bags of “bursting” friendship starburst for Matthew’s class, and Valentine s’mores for Katie’s class.  They all came out so cute. 

Despite the sickness and the mountains of crap I must contend with, I stand firm…. I love Valentine’s Day.  It gives me another excuse to spoil the ones I love and who wouldn’t love this face?? 

My "tied for second favorite" month!

It is finally February!  My "tied for second favorite" month!! :)  So happy and excited for all to be celebrated this month!  Today brings so many things, so many people who need support and love (and celebrating!).

The first thing that came to mind this morning was Megan.  I have shared her story and her blog with many.  She is a friend of mine at work who is 17 weeks pregnant and has cervial cancer.  She had to have her cervix amputated today with hopes of saving her and her baby's life.  She has been such a witness for God during this whole ordeal- never giving up on His plan and clinging to hope. I had been praying for her all day and just thanking God that I have gotten to know her in the little time I spent with her at work. And tonight I am thankful to know a walking miracle.  Megan's tumor was 100% removed and she and baby are HEALTHY!!!  She probably won't even need radiation or chemotherapy after they deliver the baby.  This is nothing short of God working a miracle in her life.  As I sit back tonight and think about her situation, I am humbled and my faith is challenged.  I don't know that if five different doctors told me I had to terminate the pregnancy to save my life that I would keep seeking.  Megan never took no for an answer when it came to saving her baby's life.  She leaned "not on her own understanding" but on God alone.  She quoted scripture and prayed without ceasing.  I am in awe and so thankful for her witness in my life.   All praise be to God!!

The second thing that came to mind this morning was what Beth would think when she walked into her room and saw this:

I am thankful for all the friends at work I have been blessed to find.  Beth is a great teacher, a blast to hang out with, and has a huge heart for what she does.  And because I am obsessed with birthdays, this was a necessary decoration to her room. ;)  She was showered with food, balloons and gifts from her students and I made these fun little Harry Potter cupcakes.  I think she's in a sugar coma now!

Sorting hats, lightning bolts, and quidditch brooms!  All out of fondant.  Red and gold sprinkles for Gryffindor!!

In the flurry of the facebooking of Beth's birthday, I saw that it was also Savannah Kinkaid's birthday today.  Savannah was a girl in our youth group who was killed in a terrible riptide accident this past September.  The shock and sadness of losing Savannah was one of the hardest times in the life of our church.  Today, I remember the quiet, beautiful soul who spent her life serving others.  I always think of that Band Perry song, "funny when you're dead people start listening".  That was Savannah....such a sweet quiet spirit, yet she affected so many lives.  Praying for her mom and dad today, and the rest of the family.  Words can't begin to describe their anguish.  So thankful they are believers and can rest on the fact that we will all be dancing with Savannah some day. 

So February begins, with some amazing people brought to light.  I will celebrate with another cupcake and by going to bed early to catch up on sleep- snuggling my babies tight. 

Oh how He loves us...

"Oh how he loves us, how he loves us so." "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." "And if our God is for us, then who can be against us?"
These are the verses/lyrics that have been swirling in my head today. I am just so tired of the patience, waiting, and constancy. I am ready for change. I am ready to be part of a community over here in Roswell. I am ready to commit to my school, to the kids' schools, to the life we have been praying for for years now. I am tired of the "God is just waiting on the perfect house", or "God knows something you don't". I KNOW that!!! But I also feel like if God can raise people from the dead, he can sell our house and find us the greatest deal in Roswell. So, what is the wait?

The other day I read the story of Noah. There was an interesting part of the story I never realized before. Noah sent the birds out to show him whether it was dry or not. Yet even after the dove returned with the olive branch, and seven days after he let the animals out, finally the Lord gave him and his family the OK to come out. They were in that boat thing for like a year and even though it was dry out there, God commanded they wait (for whatever reason) and Noah obeyed. Just as he had done with everything. For some reason God knew it wasn’t time to come out of the ark yet, and you know it had to be driving him and his family nuts to still be in there!! Yet, they waited. Waiting is the name of my game right now and although I’d rather be waiting for this than a clean bill of health or a diagnosis, I am ready to live an abundant life. I am ready to be done waiting. I feel like I’ve seen the olive branch, but still can’t get out. "I’m ready for your command Lord. Help us to be obedient in the time we are to stay on our ark. Help calm my heart and soul and understand your will."

Come down from the mountaintop

I just got back from a weekend away with our youth group.  We often refer to these retreats as "mountaintop" experiences.  The kids are all fired up, we're all fired up and then we face the struggle of going back to our "regular" lives and living it out.  It happens to all of us, not just the kids. 
My mountaintop experience was slightly altered by the fact that I was thrown off a horse and my back and neck are a mess.  I am ready for my bed and a heating pad.  And maybe my bible and the Hunger Games book 2. 
I don't want to lose the mountaintop feel, but I know it's inevitable.  So today I am praying that I can move forward with this year, coming off the Daniel Fast and this retreat with a renewed appetite for life.  I want to do what I do and do it with more passion, desire, power, and fire than ever before.  Help me to find joy in all the little things and laugh at all the days to come.....